Photo Contests & the Acid Trip Theory

"Will you be our photo judge?"

Ok, don't take this too seriously, but some people out there may know where I'm coming from.  Have you ever seen a photo that you just didn't understand or think had any ascetic value to it whatsoever, yet it won "top prize" in a photo contest? Maybe something that wasn't even in focus or made any sense at all. Or even looked like a pre-frame 1 advance exposure from back in the film days...but there it is- being awarded thousands of dollars in prizes and prestigious alcolades for it's creator. How does this always seem to happen? Is this what great photography is?  Is what most of us think of a compelling photo made up of something that the "elite society of photo evaluators" whom determines what is great and what is not would never agree with? Are these photo contests just rigged so that the judge's friend can get some free stuff and share it with them?  Well, even though I've never entered a photos contest, I've seen these same types of photos always winning.  So I think I have finally found something that makes sense.
You see, these "photo judges" usually hang out with some sort of elitist crowd. They obviously know they are supreme beings and are therefore the authority on what is "good".  These people consider themselves the "upper society" and usually take part in various "mind exploring" substances.  I believe that in their past (or even still in their present) they have dropped a lot of acid, done a bunch of 'shrooms and definitely tried some LSD while zoning out to The Doors albums deep into the night. Those experiences have left them with a new sense of vision and self-elevation that does not seem apparent in their everyday demeanor, but it's always there.
Now, when anyone who has never done acid sees a blurry, underexposed black and white photo of a stick laying on the ground, they (we) think anyone could have taken that photo and even done a better job at getting it in focus. But someone who judges photography and of course has 'been to the other side' sees the face of God on that stick. The more out of touch with anything that makes any sense at all the photo is, the more the judge "sees what no one else can" as the senseless photo "speaks" to him and tells him that "the snake is miles....feed your head....catch the dragon." Then the photo judge of course, knowing that the photographer who took it must be a like-minded genius to have known that that wasn't just a stick on the ground, but rather a representation of the universe against what is known and all that is unknown, then awards the top prize to the photo...while the rest of us observe in bewilderment. You could have a picture of the sun exploding and to a photo judge it's, "just another ordinary picture of the sun exploding". So friends, the rules of how to win any photo contest are as follows:
  • Always shoot black and white.
  • Always shoot out of focus or with slow shutter speeds to purposely make the image unintelligible.
  • Make sure it's not anything beautiful.
  • Most importantly, make sure the photo makes no sense at all whatsoever- just spin around in a circle and take pictures. Because if the photo has a subject, or makes any sense at all, the photo judge won't be able to "understand" it, and it will be discarded.
I hope this has helped make some understanding of why photo contests always end up the same way. Now, with the knowledge about how it works, you can go out and shoot dark, totally incoherent blurs- then be awarded expensive prizes and given high-society accolades. All because you know about that wonderful mind-altering drug called "acid" that the 'important people' who judge creativity use.